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My friend diabetes watches over me, he keeps me in line. He nudges me when I try to escape my reality with food or liquor. He is helping me to become the person I want to be. I’m not ready to see him leave just yet. Who is this person I want to be? What do I want her to look like? When I figure that out, I will be able to say goodbye to my friend. In meditation I asked the fearsome entity DIABETES to speak:

I AM NOT FEARSOME AT ALL. I EXIST TO HELP. BUT I AM FEARSOME FOR THOSE WHO DO NOT HEED ME WHEN I AM IN MY SMALL STATE. THEN I BECOME LARGE AND SHOW MY STRENGTH. FOR YOU NOW I AM SMALL AND PRODDING.I DO NOT EXIST TO MAKE YOUR LIFE MISERABLE. I EXIST TO SHOW YOU A BETTER WAY. YOU HAVE CHOSEN IN THIS LIFETIME TO LEARN HOW TO HEAL THE BODY, AND YOU HAVE STRAYED TOO FAR FROM YOUR PATH. YOU WILL NOT NEED INSULIN AND AMPUTATIONS, BUT A REVERSAL OF THE CONDITON IS AQUIRED SLOWLY. YOU WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO PUT JUST ANYTHING INTO YOUR MOUTH BECAUSE THAT DICIPLINE IS FACILITATING YOUR GROWTH. FOR OTHER PEOPLE AND THE WORK THEY ARE DOING FOOD DOES NOT MATTER. BUT FOR YOU, YOUR RELATIONSHIP TO FOOD IS PART OF THE WAY TOWARD ILLUMINATION. YOU WILL EVENTUALLY BE ABLE TO EAT VEGETABLE FRIED RICE AND NOODLES CERTAINLY! THE DRUGS ARE NEITHER HERE NOR THERE- YOU CAN MANAGE WITHOUT THEM. YOU WILL ONE DAY THANK ME, YOU ALREADY KNOW THAT. IT IS DIFFICULT. YOU ARE NOT READY FOR ME TO GO AWAY JUST YET. I’M YOUR BAROMETER.

Doctors will say that there is nothing to be done for diabetes. That I have killed pancreatic cells and once you kill the cells, they will not return. I don’t accept this – I believe a positive attitude and lifestyle can reverse the damage. At my last check up, 4 months after my diagnosis my average fasting blood sugar was 125 down from 300. I am on 250 mg of metformin 3x per week. The usual dose is 1000mg per day. I think my doc was quite, quite surprised- she was very pleased.

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